Locked Doors in the hall

As I am walking through the halls today, I found that most doors are closed. It confused me a lot because only a couple weeks before, everyone’s doors were open and I could talk to everyone. My door is open almost all the time, semi because it smells like trash and I need it to air out, but also because I am fine with people coming into our room and saying hi. With all these people closing their doors though, I feel as though I am like desperate and need friends because I feel like a loner, so sometimes I close the door to make myself feel better because sometimes, I like the smell of trash, or because I am naked, but that’s another story. I think it’s super dumb that people close their doors because ok, if your naked, you should put a sign up that says, “I’m Naked” so that I do not feel like you are just trying to ignore me because that makes me sad and then I go to my room and cry, so really, everyone should just have signs on their door that says what they are doing like sleeping, or out in class, or changing, or even that you are trying to ignore people because you don’t want to talk to them, I am totally fine with that too because at least your being honest about it and not just closing and locking your door. I mean on my hall there are creepers, like this guy, I cannot say his name because I am online, but he goes up to people, he is 21 and he asks if they want alcohol and then when they can’t pay he says stuff like, “Money is not the only payment.” Like what the Crap (I would say the F word, this is for English class so I can’t) is that the only reason why you don’t live off campus? Every one of your peers pretty much are off campus, why do you have to creep on us freshman when you can creep on older people? Hm? I don’t know it makes me angry so sometimes I pick fights because he is pretty small, it never gets physical though because I make him feel stupid, like the time I wore a short skirt and he dry raped me in the hall. It was pretty much the worst day of my life, and I almost cried, not really, but it sucked, he came up to my room and then we started arguing and he said, do you want me to actually rape you? That really pissed me off, because first of all, if I said yes it wouldn’t be rape, and second of all are you really that down to rape some random guy? Like AH! But yea anyways, it’s probably him that made people close and lock their doors, but still I like going into people’s rooms and talking to them because talking is fun and I have pretty girls in my hall and so I can talk to them and look at their pretty eyes because their eyes are pretty, like mine when they were green when I had green contacts, I am pretty with green eyes, I should get surgery. But, yea maybe the girls would leave their doors open if I had green eyes because I would be prettier and they will like me coming in more than they want Jason leaving because girls do like attractive men, and although I don’t think I am that attractive, I still think that I am more attractive than how creepy Jason is, even though he is pretty creepy, so psych, I don’t think that because that is conceited and I try not to be conceited because people don’t like that, unless they like the confident type, which some people do like, but I wouldn’t like that in myself, so yea. So really, everyone should open their doors because if not, I will be conceited and then I won’t like myself and then it would make me sad and then maybe I would get more friends, but that would be fake and annoying and more people would hate me than people hate me now so it wouldn’t be worth it. So yea, but now that I think about it, it might be because they are studying, or because when me and my roommate make songs it’s too loud so they close the door, because I do sing really really loud. Singing loud makes me really happy though, so they should just be quiet and deal with it and have their doors open because if they do, they will hear very beautiful music because I make beautiful music always. Like one night me and my roommate stayed up all night just making covers to rap songs, on Thursday. We made a cover to Make Her Say by Kid Cudi, and it was pretty pitchy because I hate recording, but it is on Facebook, and some people really liked it, so yea. We also did a Got Money one, and it was tight not recorded like in my brain, but not in my brain it sounded bad. Anyways, another thing that grinds my gears is when people are really loud outside your door because they just want to. Like I am loud a lot but I do for like 2 seconds to get people attention, but when people just talk and talk and talk outside of your door because they just don’t know what they are doing, and they are talking about stupid stuff like the infant mortality rate that has nothing to do with anything unless you work at a morgue, then your fine and then you can talk about that, but when people are yelling down the halls like WHAT IS THE INFANT MORTALITY RATE OF THE UNITED STATES, I yell at them and tell them that it will be 2 more because you scream like babies, so yea that’s it with my ranting good bye.

Farmville and Life

So, Farmville. Lots of people play it and why? No one knows. All you do is plow land, plant crops buy animals, harvest plants, harvest trees, adopt animals, help neighbors, make money, collect milk, decorate your farm, make a person, win ribbons, gain levels, add friends as neighbors and most importantly even if you are bored, you can stay bored. Being bored is lame, and since everyone does not want to be lame, they try to not be lame by doing stuff that they think will make them not bored. Some people do drugs; others play a synonym, Farmville. Farmville is an epidemic like heroin, once you start playing you can’t stop, like heroin, usually if you start once, you are addicted and it’s very hard to not do it anymore. For Farmville, there is a button where you can just delete the application, but that application gets really hard to delete because you work so hard on your farm and then you don’t want to lose it so you don’t push it and you still stay addicted. It makes it even worse because it’s on Facebook which as well is addicting and if one goes on Facebook for a while, they will see news feeds that say that there are other people playing Farmville and people see that and their like “my God, Farmville, everyone is playing” so more people start playing then the world becomes addicted and then the world just is Farmville, and then in Farmville they will make facebook, and then that facebook will have Farmville and then everything will be crazy and everyone will just have multiple lives and whoever has the highest level is the best in the world and will think to be the most distinguished person when really they haven’t done anything at all. If Farmville actually made food for people, I would slightly understand the addiction, but really it’s possibly the stupidest thing ever, you really don’t do shit and it only shows the good of farming so there is not actually hard work for plowing or picking up cow shit or getting sun burnt, and when you help out your neighbors you do not actually do a task, you just click a button and you pull the weeds out of their whole farm, or scare all the crows away. In real life, one would get calluses from plowing or get tired from running around scaring crows and they would get frustrated. So maybe if Farmville took more work, then it would be not only more realistic, then it will also maybe more fun. Also, one big thing that probably makes people addicted is the time that one has to wait for their crops to grow, some crops take a couple days, so one has to go around waiting for these crops to grow. Usually these crops take a season, however, in Farmville, takes a day or two or three. Therefore Farmville is too ridiculous, however I still play a lot and its really addicting and I don’t know why I just wanted to keep ranting, but it makes me feel good being a hypocrite because one has to be a hypocrite to try to understand their lives. For example, if I wanted to know why I believe about God, I should question my belief and say why someone would not believe in him to understand why I believe in him so that I could answer to myself why I believe in God. So therefore the reason why I am still addicted to Farmville is just because it is something to do, it’s a good conversation starter, and also its fun having a poop load of gold for no reason and have something to make me feel accomplished since I am failing college it makes me feel that I am a great person even though I’m probably not even though I think that I am, always. Not trying to be not humble, but sometimes I feel I’m great, but really I know I’m not. I feel as though people think that I am a cocky mother fucker, but really I only say some things because I am insecure with myself. Being insecure, I look at people automatically thinking that they judge me, maybe because I’m easy to be judged, but also because I just feel like I get vibes from people and it sucks, vibes suck, I get good ones, bad ones, angry ones, sad ones, since I get these vibes I usually feel really bad and I usually get angry and cry and then go to bed because I now sleep a lot because I don’t know what to do for life. Life is such a hard thing to use, one can use it for good, one can waste it, like I am sleeping and not caring about classes. I mean technically, I am wasting my life going to classes where instead I could be going out in the world working and helping less fortunate people, but I’m not because as I said, I’m selfish and an asshole, and although I love helping people, it would be hard for me to stay somewhere for a year to help them for I would get lonely. Like in college, even though I’m with people I know, I still feel lonely, I don’t feel as though I really have friends, except for one person, and to be honest I just feel dumb. I feel as though everyone here is smarter than me, because probably they are, everyone has better social skills than me, everyone is better looking than me, and that everyone knows how to study more than me. Today I kept hearing about how people just studied for 8 hours plus and I thought about it, I don’t know how to study. I can’t study for more than 30 minutes without wanting to gauge my eyes out, college sucks, I don’t want to be in it anymore. But it’s ok, because it’s the norm. If I don’t stay in college I will be judged as a drop out and that’s not good. So I will stay, just so that I don’t get judged.

Boxes!

Today I went to the engineering expo. It was lame. But they had free stuff. I got a walking man, a measuring tape that has a level and post it notes on them, a cool pen, a hacky sack, a light up bouncy ball, and knowledge. I learned that if I was an engineer, I could help people in the world, like national security, airplanes, and just making life easier. But then I think, why do I have to make my life harder, to make a person’s life easier. I know it is selfish, but is it not selfish that other people just wait for us to make life easier. That is like having a kid doing all the work for you. Ok so I know how I said that not having a phone would suck, and that an engineer made it, but still, why do I have to help someone make a super crazy phone that blows stuff up or is a tazer, or holds bullets in it. That’s just scary first off, and also it’s just lame. It’s a phone. Ok it might have bugs, but bugs help us in the natural world. Like termites, they decompose trees in the forest that are dead and make very good top soil. I know I’m being slightly hypocritical, but I feel as though we should evolve from developing the same things, and instead make new things and ideas making the world evolve. Okay, maybe some of that stuff might not be useful, like a tie, but we are creative, maybe we can put it around our neck and pretend to suffocate ourselves, but for some reason people like the look of it. I think it’s kind of morbid, but that’s how the world works. Psych, we do need to develop stuff, but we just need to be more creative. Like for example, Google. Google is a super search engine, but now there are so many, it makes people crazy. Just make a search engine that reads your mind that would make life easier instead of harder. Or like Skype, there are so many different video chat programs, why not have one to unite people and maybe we would have less war because wars start of stupid stuff like that if you are powerful enough. I mean ok in the arts we should be creative because if not, stuff just gets boring after seeing it all over again and creativity is key for solving problems like going into space, or eating tofu with chopsticks, or just learning how to tie your shoes in one move, it’s really hard, but you can figure it out. See if you are creative, I don’t understand why you should go to school, because you can creatively learn stuff if you want to and school just makes you like everyone else. Everyone else is boring, that is why life is just going in circles, we just do ideas that have already been done and don’t think outside the box. There are many different kinds of boxes, cardboard, glass, tin, and steel, if you have a steel box to get out of and you only have your body to go past it, how do you do it? I don’t know because I’m not creative, but you could think outside the box and yell really loud and ask someone to help you open the steel box, hopefully it is not a sumo wrestler that thinks it’s a talking seat and sits on it and breaks it because that would stink, but I mean if you were a sumo wrestler, you probably wouldn’t fit in the box which would make you not in the box in the first place. But why do you have to be in first place, you can be in second and still feel good, like in the Incredibles at the end of the movie, dash got second in his race and he was so proud of himself because he could restrain himself from smoking the competition. Not smoking as in cigarettes even though they feel good sometimes when you are stressed from losing something, which is counterproductive unless you were in a smoking cigarettes competition or just a competition that doesn’t deal with physical activity, but I really meant beating them. Where I am really getting with this is that one shouldn’t always think to be the best, that’s thinking in the box, but on the other hand, you should see what winning first place would get you. Thinking outside of the box is sometimes really hard like I had to think a lot to write this blog. Blogs are fun, it lets me rant and have people kind of listen to me, because they have to comment on my work, although sometimes they don’t even read it, they just read the comments and the first couple sentences and make a comment based on that so there will probably be comments about being selfish or the engineering expo, see if that happens, people aren’t really thinking outside the box because people have already done that, but would they be thinking outside the box if they read this, because people read too, so maybe, people should stop reading now, because that would be outside the box, but I just told them to do that so it is not a creative way to finish reading, so really, I don’t know what you should do in this situation, but I mean you are already 917 words into it so maybe you should finish it even though I don’t really have much to say, I need to go to 1000 which is kind of weird because bloggers usually don’t have a word limit, but it’s cool, it is for English class which I love. English is fun. I still need to buy that book that everything is an argument because really I want to learn how to argue to people like what I was doing now about boxes and sumo wrestlers. But yea its 1006 words now so I’m done it was nice to hear that you read some of my blog, even if it was only my comments and the first sentence. pC world.

No phones

So the first day of school I broke my phone in half. It sucked. I found out that college without a phone was really hard because everyone is meeting each other and it is hard to communicate with new friends and old friends without a phone. This made me wonder what it was like before Alexander Bell created the phone. I guess it would make people actually go to each other’s houses to talk to each other, but what if someone is at the store and needs to see what kind of ferret legs his/her friend wants? It would be very hard to do that and since ferret legs are so rare, it would just be a waste of time to buy ones that person does not like so the kindness of buying ferret legs will not be there, and that sucks. I guess people must have not gotten many ferret leg presents like I do now because my friends call me if they want to give me ferret or any kind of rodent legs for me to eat. Ferret legs aside, I feel as though it is very hard to communicate without having a phone to call people with. Phones make life so much easier, if you are bored, you can just pick up your phone and talk to someone that you have not talked to in a while, like your ex girlfriend/boyfriend, your mom, or even the person that gave you their number because that person thought you were really cute. In the olden days, this would not have happened, on the contrary, if you were bored you probably had to write a long winded essay on how you were bored and sent it to a mail carrier to give to the person that you wanted to send it to which would probably bore that person and then make the person not like you anymore. With a phone you could even maybe go on a date or instantly talk about your feelings which are what every person wants to do with their lives, talk about their feelings and listen to someone talk for hours. I mean that is why we go to college, to listen to people talk for hours and hours.

Dropping out of College

Today I was contemplating dropping out of college. I just do not like doing a shitload of work and it sucks so much that I have to do work that I do not even like to do therefore, why not drop out. “Engineering is a horrible major” says my friend Missy Weise, and I totally agree. Even though now it is suppose to give me good money later if I go to college, it makes me sad, and people say freshman year is the easiest, I think it is hard as crap. College sucks. Why can I not just be at home think about dancing and then dance when I wanted to, I can barely dance in here. I do not feel comfortable with the dancers here and if I want to dance by myself, I do not have room in my dorm room. Why should I stay in college if I feel as though the teachers just want me to fail, like in engineering, the teachers try to make the tests as hard as possible to make the engineers scared about doing college causing them to drop out and find another major. Why should we be hazed, it is illegal and unfair for us and whoever is paying the extra tuition to change majors. It causes me to think that life is really just about paying the bills and not really doing what you love to do, life should be like the olden days, no one should care about money; however they should just care about their quality of life and try to be as happy as possible. For me, I would just sit on the computer, play Farmville, eat, and dance, for others they would maybe exercise and lick each other; I do not know just anything that would make people happy. To be honest, the only class that I actually like right now is English, which is totally ridiculous because I came to school to learn math and science, but English, a subject that I do not really like unless I am fooling around or making crazy stories. Maybe I just was not cut out for college yet, as the Master said, I am too immature to write whatever I want in the next paper. Stuff like that I think is dumb, I mean I guess I deserved it and I deserved being pointed out because I am an annoying kid, but still, it breaks my heart that you think that Master Julia. Although I come into class wearing a Barney backpack, it does not mean that I am a child. I may be a child at heart, but I have grown 18 years and I know what is going on in life. Also, sometimes people are just too judgmental. Like in college there are a poop load of different kinds of people, ones that do the corps, or ones that are addicted to World of Warcraft, and people just they are just like untouchable as in like it is scary to speak to them. I feel as though people should just talk to people, unless they have a real reason to be avoiding them like if you gave him/ her an apple and he/she threw it in your face, but even with that one should still try to talk and solve the problem. Today I failed a math quiz, college just makes me feel unbelievably dumb especially when I have learned the material before, I guess it is because I never really learned how to study which I need to learn how to do, but studying sucks and there should be a new way to do it like how people use Muzzy to learn languages because that would be awesome and life changing.